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Friday, July 26, 2013

Unconscious Influence

I realize what a mess I've made of my life;
the reasons why I could never keep a wife;
it was something back then I couldn't see.
I wasn't able to be the man I needed to be;
I wish there was someway or somehow
I could have realized then what I know now.

Bad choices only make painful consequence;
learning the hard way doesn't make any sense
yet here I sit all alone wishing I still had you.
I thought by now I would know what to do;
without you in this whole world it feels colder,
I’m getting old; this life of mine is getting older.

I wish I could wipe this slate clean and start afresh
but second chances only made me second guess.
I’m doing what I need to but I'm not ready yet;
my conscience knows my life needs to pay its debt.
I realize that now and it’s fully understood
that If I could have changed my past I would.

Though this time I did my best it just wouldn’t be,
twelve years went by but not without more tragedy;
another love in my life gone and this one cut like a knife -
my only daughter left me because she wanted another life,
because of my situation it becomes a heavy realization
that a motherless foundation caused my daughters devastation.

Of burdensome heart and broken spirit my life has become;
now realizing the true consequence of all the things I've done.
Truly at the lowest point; my life has finally come full circle.
I clearly see how my actions have produced all that is hurtful;
a domino effect that touched each and every life including mine
all because of the boy in me this man couldn't leave behind.



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