Status Quo

Walking out in the pouring rain
drenched and chilled to the bone;
surrounded by a rain symphony,
but it doesn't drown out the pain.
Walking away from all I've known;
yet it seems I’m still in captivity.

False illusions I've convinced myself

despite all the things I've come to know;
I realized that I can’t do this anymore.
As my feet hit the pavement ground,
further away but no closer to being free
the realization reverberates all around.

I've never been good with confrontation,

I'm sure it’s what stunted my maturation.
Realizing the problem is half the battle
yet I refuse to take off these shackles.
I can't quit this mindless life of excuses
as I've become use to my own abuses.

Out here on the West coast is where I now roam;

my self loathing and misery has found a home.
Even though I know my future is no guarantee
at least here no one expects anything of me.
With no motivation my life is at an impasse;
passing me by like the sands in an hourglass.

Truth be said I really hate myself and my life;

I try to ignore the truth but it cuts like a knife.
Like an open wound my mistakes are visible
I try to numb the pain but I'm still miserable;
my emotions in my life is the shade of gray and
no matter how far I walk I can never walk away.

Copyright by NewLife2008

Tilted Memory

Within these four corners steady is your stance;
the angled stare showing you in your past
reminding of what used to be.

A conversation piece regarding memories
of your life with friends and family;
oh how you shone so brightly.

With the rest of the pictures you're neatly organized;

no longer with us but forever immortalized,
knowing you'll always be with me.

Now those days are all but gone
but your memory will live on;

touching our hearts mightily.

I dust off that frame to ensure that
no part of your face is obscured;
since there you'll always remain.

Copyright by NewLife2008

Distraught

I dread seeing the morning sun arise;

another day of school I’ve come to despise.

I know what to expect when I enter the bus;

I never thought kids could be so callous.

Every day for me it begins again and

I wonder when all of this will end.

I don't understand why they're so unkind,

some of them used to be friends of mine;

Now it’s like I have no friend in the world

hitting me with fists and insults they hurl.

What have I done to be treated this way?

I wish this would stop and just all go away.

But I don't see this ending anytime soon;

school doesn't end until the 7^th of June.

The bus driver averts her ears and eyes

though she hears my painful cries.

I call her name but on deaf ears it falls;

it seems I have no voice at all.

There is no safe haven for me;

I'm tormented everyday mercilessly;

even though my parents intervene

the result is nothing it seems.

Black and blue and falling into despair;

it’s making me not want to be here.

I wish I could mete out what the dole

and take back the part of me they stole,

but there is no champion for the oppressed;

I'm just becoming more and more depressed.

No longer in school I just stay in my room

with bitterness and hate I’m being consumed.

All to myself as my malice thoughts fester,

I'll make sure I'm the last one they pester.

It seems there’s only one conclusion to arrive at;

the time has come for revenge, it’s time to act.

Today in the news my name will forever be;

I'll make them sorry that ever messed with me.

Copyright by NewLife2008

Rest Well Dad

In the early morning there you laid,

silenced by the last breathe you gave,

your mouth agape and eyes opened wide;

in that moment we could no longer deny

you had finally come to your end.

As we held your hands softly in the

quietness the moment finally settled in; we

painfully released tears deep from within

realizing  now nothing more of you remained;

no more struggles and no more pain.

Overcome from the memories we shared

the grief of losing you so hard to bear;

as we saw your vitality slowly stolen

all of your years came down to days;

what was given was terribly taken.

Even though you knew your eventual outcome,

you looked on life with a deep ponderance.

Exuding warmth and love was your essence;

words so profound yet simplistic in manner

touching others in an everlasting fashion.

Now comes the arduous task of moving on,

leaving all behind what was the past;

no choice now but for us to be strong.

I know deep inside that’s what you wanted

though the memories will still leave me haunted.

So, I’m leaving this place never to come back again;

too many memories that just brings up pain.

Carrying with me the ones that pleasantness brings,

your voice, your touch, your laughter and the such

knowing that I take the parts of you I loved so much.

Copyright by NewLife2008

Treacherous Heart

Wicked and twisted,

I never had a chance;

of petulant character

you refused to sympathize.

Slighted, you reasoned

a motive to capitalize,

unremorseful was your stance.

With a treacherous assault you attacked

with every ounce of your being;

you didn't think twice to hold back.

With such ferocity it sent me reeling,

taken aback not sure how to react;

my only thought is a painful recognition

of the irreversible damage you exact.

Never did I think this could happen;

of you I was so convinced

but now I’m on the floor grappling;

my mind trying to make some sense

of the aftermath you left me with.

Emotions torn like flesh on a barbed wired fence,

sadly I have only myself to blame for this.

so desperate yet I trusted you still,

now my life is all torn apart

to exact my revenge is my only will;

I’ll be done with you when I kill – my treacherous heart.

Copyright by NewLife2008

Swallowed

Inside my heart, I find a black hole exists;

there sadness and hopelessness persists

despite the love from others it resists;

pushing me from the very ones I subsist.

I don’t know how it started gaining control of

my thoughts and feelings of all I’ve come to know;

logic has disappeared into the depths below;

left in this abyss where nothing can grow.

No matter what I always was positive and happy,

but now I’m no longer the person I used to be;

all I am is just negative and full of apathy

and could care less now if I became a casualty.

It seems my actions are no longer benign;

as if I’m trying to ruin this life of mine.

The sparkle that was in me no longer shines;

I don’t know if anyone can stop this in time.

Constantly I have to deal with debilitating pain,

despite treatment my affliction doesn’t wane;

all my emotions and spirit have all but drained

and I wish I could go to sleep and there remain.

My love, I’m sorry for sounding so selfish,

to me you’re everything and you I will always cherish;

I thought the both of us would make it to the finish

but I can no longer live this life of anguish…

Copyright by NewLife2008

Malcontent

As morning arrived, this was the day;

nothing to deter him, he was not to be swayed;

his mind firmly fixed on his task at hand;

today would be the day he made his stand.

The internet was his source of unending knowledge

to obtain his instruments for the eventual carnage;

tediously he painstakingly went over ever detail;

gloating with confidence, he would not fail.

The usual suspects he didn't represent;

unassuming his appearance they didn't have a hint;

inflamed and horrified as the beads of sweat appeared

his heart pulsating as the conclusion of his destiny neared.

A young girl glances his way and smiles;

acknowledging her with a wave staying focused all the while

bobbing his head to the beats in his ears and

in the mass of people he quietly disappears.

Backpack in tow the countdown has begun;

in his mind he believes that he’s already won;

trifling establishment will be forced to recognize

with the fear and dread he imposes on their lives.

In a blink of an eye, the sound is deafening;

the destruction his day of reckoning;

stained streets and twisted metal abound as

only bits and pieces of flesh remain on the ground.

Painstakingly the evidence is slowly revealed;

his reasons and beliefs no longer concealed;

as people ask why and contemplate the unknown;

one thing is painfully clear, he is not alone.

Copyright by NewLife2008