The State my Heart is In

Left a state but in the same state of mind
it seems we're being punished for our good deed too.
The present is my past I can't leave behind 
and the harder I try the more I'm reminded of you.

You're gone from my sight but in my mind you stay;
I'm reminded when seeing a little one holding their parent's hand.
Though no longer with us for you I always pray
since I know you find it just as hard to understand. 

I don't think we'll ever know why they took you away;
we complied with every request but it still wasn't good enough.
Every word that comes out of their mouth I don't believe anyway
and not knowing the truth just makes it that more tough.

Torn away from us and they tell us it's for the best
all the promises they made to us concerning you
never transpired and died with our hope the day you left
not caring at all of what they're putting you through.

Words are just words when it comes from the state
they say they care, yet they're taking you from your grandparents
not even caring about the time, effort, and care is what I really hate;
saying they want the best for you but their feelings are so transparent.

Time has gone by and getting information is only in generalities
saying you're adjusting so well and so happy where you're at
never giving us any details and speaking to us only in formalities;
it's their job and it's a job they do well and that's all I'll say about that.

My grandson I hope one day you know how we really feel;
and come across this poem that I put out on the internet highway 
read it please, and take it to heart, because our love for you is real
and I hope when you're old enough you'll come back to us someday.

Copyright by NewLife2008

Deprived

The night blackness caresses my very being;

blankly staring into the nothingness I'm seeing

a kaleidoscope of colors flash before my eyes

and it seems as if I'm wide awake dreaming.

The sounds in my head echo as if in a canyon

bouncing off the walls of my mind with reckless abandon,

reverberating endlessly with its winsome cries;

provides the only solace I share with my nightly companion.

My bustling mind is on spin cycle but it's not extracting;

it's always full of thoughts and constantly overactive.

Subtly I try to coax it to unwittingly compromise;

singing its praises so that I can distract it.

The lullaby rocks my consciousness like a baby;

finally the lids of my eyes are becoming lazy.

My body quietly succumbs though I don't realize

as sleep hushes my thoughts and finally saves me.

Copyright by NewLife2008

Not Sure Anymore

I’m not that strong

but still I carry on;

another day all alone

trying to make it on my own,

oh how I miss you so.

Not a day goes by

of me wondering why

you found it necessary

to leave the one you married;

saying you had to go.

I try to understand your fears,

but understand I need you here.

Every night I lie in my bed alone

I never thought I would be on my own

this far down the road.

What you’re doing with your life

I don’t know, but what do you care?

You left without any definite answer

leaving everything up in the air

it’s turned out to be a disaster.

I remember all the times we shared;

all the times you said you loved me

and how you would never leave.

Always together forever, you and me

but I’m not too sure anymore.

So many nights I cry

wishing you were by my side.

My feelings live inside myself

to others they’re never shown

I smile and keep carrying on.

You’re still in my heart;

but I’m not that strong;

faithful to you I’ll always be

but I’m losing hope that

you’ll ever come back to me.

I’ve resigned myself to the fact

that you’re not coming back, though

in my heart you will always stay.

I love you even though you’re gone

but with or without you I will carry on.

Copyright by NewLife2008

Pain of Fogetting

The pain of forgetting

you is  hard to forget;

since I’m not over you yet.

It’s the hardest thing to do

but I have no other choice;

it seems I mattered little to you

realizing I never had a voice.

Your words didn’t mean a thing

leaving me without any regret;

caring less of the pain it brings.

Letting myself be deceived

I was blinded by appearances;

little by little the layers revealed

underneath you’re so much less.

Looking back, I wish I seen it sooner;

but I was blinded by your glittery mess.

Ridding myself of every vestige

you left behind I threw it all away

even though your memory lingers

the scars I bare will always stay.

I don’t regret my life; I just regret you

and what you did cuts like a knife

since my heart to you belonged.

So I embark on my new journey

though I don’t have a destination;

as I learn to be content with my life

and with what and who I am.

Though I still think of you at times

the pain of forgetting you is gone

you’re more a figment of my imagination

as if you were never there all along.

Copyright by NewLife2008

Maternal Pacifier

Awakened from a nightmare I didn’t understand

sitting upright in my bed with a frightened stare

and eyes wide open not able to control my fear.

Up and off bed to the hardwood floor I land,

running into my mother’s loving arms of care;

asking me what’s wrong as she wipes away the tears.

Intently listening as if my worries were paramount;

looking into my frighten eyes and holding my hand

she started to speak and I hung on her every word.

What she spoke to me gave me no reason to doubt;

a calming force she displayed with such command

that with every word she spoke it always reassured.

On her lap my head laid as I played with her plaid skirt;

calming me with her voice as it reverberated in my chest

while stroking my hair; I started to slowly fall asleep.

My mother always aware knew I was drifting but still alert;

nudged me to get up and sent me off to bed to get my rest.

Getting up from her lap I went back to bed and fell into a heap.

Copyright by NewLife2008

Meteorological Spectacle

Clouds torn and dark;

boiling anger of two invisible masses;

they collide without prejudice

creating a tempest ready to unleash.

Its subjects at its mercy,

no premeditation, no malice;

though violent still in it’s intent.

Down comes the torrent

pummeling and unforgiving;

It’s presence felt by the boisterous wind

attacking everything in its path;

nothing is left unscathed.

Fire lighting the sky, hotter than the sun,

causing waves of air to reverberate the ground;

stomping the earth and leaving its presence behind

as it slowly dissipates with nowhere to be found.

The cascades unrelenting still;

creating masses of liquid that weren't there before;

pushing and bursting forth no longer to be contained

as it finds the path of least resistance down a drain

taking everything in its path.

Slowly it finally abates; no longer a driving rain

the precipitation returning from where it came,

the dark mass moves itself along;

suddenly the tempest is gone.

As raindrops blanket the land

giving it sustenance and rejuvenation,

the events making the air clean again;

prolonging all of life’s creation;

the cycle is back to where it began.

Copyright by NewLife2008

Dream Crazy

3:17 am and I'm awakened by a sound;

something eerily familiar comes around

and it brings chills down my spine.

It’s here again and it’s stealing my time

nothing in the house seems to be amiss;

but somehow this gut feeling still exists.

It’s a presence I feel but can’t shake

and the reason as to why I'm awake.

It seems to be only messing with me,

my wife is asleep but it won't let me be.

So back to the bedroom in the bed I climb,

I pull the covers over me and look at the time;

it’s 4:38 am and I'm trying to get back to sleep again.

As I go back to sleep I wonder if this was all pretend;

time to wake up as the alarm goes off; it’s now 6 am.

I asked my wife how she slept and I get a surprise

she said she didn't sleep a wink - I can see it in her eyes.

She said I tossed and turned all night long

and that it was me that kept her up all along.

“So I didn't get up earlier this morning around 3 am?”

“no she said, and I tried to shake you again and again

but to no avail, you just laid there out like a light.”

But I could have sworn it was the other way around;

it was me that was awakened up by a sound!

She just stared at me and then said a few words;

“Now that you’re up I can sleep” and THAT was all I heard.

 Copyright by NewLife2008