Unconscious Influence

I realize what a mess I've made of my life;

the reasons why I could never keep a wife;

it was something back then I couldn't see.

I wasn't able to be the man I needed to be;

I wish there was someway or somehow

I could have realized then what I know now.

Bad choices only make painful consequence;

learning the hard way doesn't make any sense

yet here I sit all alone wishing I still had you.

I thought by now I would know what to do;

without you in this whole world it feels colder,

I’m getting old; this life of mine is getting older.

I wish I could wipe this slate clean and start afresh

but second chances only made me second guess.

I’m doing what I need to but I'm not ready yet;

my conscience knows my life needs to pay its debt.

I realize that now and it’s fully understood

that If I could have changed my past I would.

Though this time I did my best it just wouldn’t be,

twelve years went by but not without more tragedy;

another love in my life gone and this one cut like a knife -

my only daughter left me because she wanted another life,

because of my situation it becomes a heavy realization

that a motherless foundation caused my daughters devastation.

Of burdensome heart and broken spirit my life has become;

now realizing the true consequence of all the things I've done.

Truly at the lowest point; my life has finally come full circle.

I clearly see how my actions have produced all that is hurtful;

a domino effect that touched each and every life including mine

all because of the boy in me this man couldn't leave behind.

Copyright by NewLife2008